Intelligence, Please…

You don’t even have to know what it’s about. I give you no back story. I just- it’s just….just read it.

Enjoy.

It’s that time again! That’s right- the World Cup! If you are like my family you are super excited about watching some guys run around a lot and kick a ball. And if you are like me, you have no idea what’s going on.

Everyone in Cape Town, South Africa is even more excited about hosting nine of the games this year. But one problem that every city has to confront has recently surfaced: What do you do about the homeless blight (when you are hosting one of the most important sporting events in the world)? Cape Town’s answer: Move ‘Em.

As many as 800 people have been relocated to a shanty town outside of the city to make way for the over 300,000 soccer fans that are projected to arrive for the games this Friday. Allegedly many have been coerced, forced, and tricked into getting onto a bus and then dumped inthe middle of rows and rows of tin shanties in an area outside of the city. As one local official noted, “You have to clean your house before you have guests over.”

Wow.

Personally, I think these people should show ‘em all and join this league instead.

So, part of this awesome recession is the chance that you’ll get laid off. There are three types of people when it comes to getting laid off:  1. The people who fear being laid off; 2. The people who fantasize about being laid off and in said fantasy somehow acquire a horse and go galloping through the office while destroying everything in their path on their way to busting through the door and shattering glass everywhere; or 3. The people that fantasize about it and say they want it but not really when it happens. I was the #3 of these people. And then on February 8 of this year, I found myself horseless and then five minutes later, jobless. My first thought was: Oh my god, what am I going to do? My second thought was: I wish I had that horse, and then my third thought was: I’m so glad I bought those two bottles of wine today. But seriously, what do you do? Unemployment doesn’t pay THAT much, and if you have a job as obscure as mine, then finding a job in this economy, much less in the city that you want to be in is going to be…incredibly stressful. But there is hope. Never lose hope. Unemployment, if done correctly, can be quite fun. Let me take you on the how-to guide to Doing Unemployment The Right Way:

1. Don’t Freak Out. Ok, wait. You can freak out. But try to get it out in the first week. Scream/kick/curse/cry it out. I’ve been there. I was that person. I needed that moment. Just try to get it out all at once. Don’t make it a continual thing, or you’ll lose friends. Or, if you have friends like mine, they’ll just tell you to grow a pair.
2. Don’t Get Lazy. Laziness will lead to depression and getting fat. Always be doing something. It’ll keep you sharp and fit. It was just a job, there are others. I promise you. At least you aren’t horribly unattractive in addition to being unemployed. Or, if you are…I’m so sorry, there is no self-help blog for you.
3. Keep a good attitude. Now, if you have been laid off recently, I know what you are thinking. Cause someone offered me these pearls of wisdom the week I was laid off and I wanted to take a 9-iron to his face. But seriously, it makes a difference. Milk this. You are unemployed. People will buy you food. The state gives you money. For free. There is a lot to be angry about, but there is even more to be happy about. YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO TO WORK.
4. Unemployment Checks? Yes Please. Now, if you still have a job, my advice to you is move to California or Texas because if you get laid off they will pay you lots of money to be jobless. It’s silly, really. Make sure you follow the directions on these forms. They can be tricky if you are like me and hate reading directions.
5. If I Were You, I’d Become Homeless Too. I did this. I put all my stuff in storage, gave up my studio by the beach and couch-surfed. You save money, you are always on the go, so you can’t get lazy, and you learn all the places where you can change your clothes. In the last 3 months, I have changed clothes in Trader Joe’s, gas stations, Starbucks, the beach bathrooms, a Ralph’s grocery store…some people think it’s shameful. I think it’s character-building.
6. Don’t Dress Like A Derelict. Just because you are jobless and homeless (if you are like me) it doesn’t mean you need to wear garbage bags. Good lord. Dress for success! Dress for that new job you want. You know- that job with better benefits, a boss that you don’t fantasize about getting hit by a bus, and a fat pay raise. Dress for your future.  And please, take a shower.
7. Travel. I am incredibly blessed with amazing friends. I got my first check and drove to San Francisco, and also bought 2 plane tickets to Nashville and one to D.C. I took a bus to Philly and then to New York City and saw friends I haven’t seen in forever. It was awesome. But if you only have three friends and they are in the same city, I guess you could buy some more D&D cards or something.
8. Learn to Live Simply. The last time I saw George, I met his girlfriend Emily and the first impression she got of me was me smelling my shirt and saying, “I’ve worn this outfit for three days now. It’s nice to meet you, you lucky thing you.” So, maybe you shouldn’t do that, but definitely be prepared to cut back a lot. Don’t let it shock you that you can’t buy $20 shampoo anymore. This is a recession. Don’t be dumb.
9. Unemployment=FUNemployment. Oh my god, you have all this time, and if you don’t have rent to pay, go on a vacation or two or seven. Do crazy things! Go see friends you haven’t seen in forever! Every day and every place you land is a party! People in office buildings everywhere look out the window (god, if they even have a window) and think, “I wish I was outside.” You know what I did yesterday? I needed a nap. So I went to the beach, rolled out a towel and fell asleep. Like a bum. Only with tanning oil, my ipod and a very classy bikini. You know what other people were doing? Working. (yawn)
10. Oh Yeah And Do That Other Thing. Apply for jobs, you hobo.

Post Script: As of May 17^th, I will no longer be in the funemployment club. I got a job offer today for a position that pays way more than my last job, with better benefits and I get to live in an ideal location in Los Angeles. It took me almost four months, but I made it through. If you are unemployed- good luck, and keep your chin up. If you already have a job…sucker.

I, like my fellow bloggers, hold a special place in my heart for this great city. It is shocking to me, being on the west coast, that when I mention Nashville to people here, the response is, “Huh? What floods?”

Awesome.

So, I wanted to repost a bit of Joe’s blog from below. To help out the city that we all love and want to preserve, go to this link. It can direct you on how to help out- whether you are in Tennessee, or thousands of miles away (like me, *sniff*).

Let’s not forget Nashville!!

UPDATE:

To help the Middle Tennessee Red Cross Chapter for the Flood Relief Efforts, you can donate $10 from your mobile phone. Text REDCROSS to 90999. Or you can go to here to learn more.

(author’s note: My masters is in Historic Preservation, so I studied a bit about urban planning. Unbeknownst to many, what I do (or did, and will do again) is actually a big part of urban planning and economic development. This is probably the first of many blogs about this topic because I find it so interesting! To be honest, I don’t care to read about politics which is why my blogs have been about drag queens and meatwiches. However, I do like to read intellectual theories (the movers and the shakers) and their analysis of today’s economic climate. So as I read up on it, I’ll let you know what I find. It’s fascinating stuff, I promise.)

Imagine a world where you wake up, put on a comfortable outfit, walk into work without fear of being reprimanded for following someone else’s antiquated rules of “professionalism,” and start your day doing a job that you absolutely love. This is a job where you are free to be creative, free to speak your mind (politely, mind you), free to object, free to contribute; a job with little fear of your ideas being squelched by upper management. Now, step outside of your office, or studio, or apartment and look around you. People are skateboarding, biking, running, having conversations, sharing ideas, producing a creative energy that makes people want to live and stay in your city. People are happy. Everyone is free to be themselves; to be creative. This in turn, produces innovative technology, and art, music, and breakthroughs in science…

Does this sound too good to be true? Some people think it might be.

Richard Florida doesn’t. He’s the guy that came up with this utopia dream. Florida, who has a PhD in urban planning from Columbia University has researched and studied for years the theory that a rise in the creative class is shifting the economy. Like right now at this moment. And it is imperative that we prepare for it. What is the creative class? According to Mr. Florida, it is composed of scientists and engineers, university professors, poets and architects, and also includes “people in design, education, arts, music and entertainment, whose economic function is to create new ideas, new technology and/or creative content.” If you don’t fit into this category, no worries, the crux of Florida’s argument is here is that EVERYONE has that capability of being creative. Nobody is exempt. For example, you might be an electrician. This doesn’t mean you don’t have new ideas to contribute to the titillating world of light bulbs and wall wires. Because we know you do!

Why is there a shift? Well, Mr. Florida takes us back to the year 1900, when more than half of the population in the U.S. worked in or around agriculture. A few people worked in the industrial center and less than 5% worked in the creative industry (this includes design, art, entertainment, culture, etc.) As time went on, more and more people left the farm and started working in factories and in more city-based areas. By 1950, more than half of the population worked in the industrial segment of the economy. Farming became more mechanized as technology was growing. But still there was less than 10% of the population working in the creative sector of the economy. The technology boom of the 1980s to the mid 2000s created 25 million new jobs in the creative industry. Manufacturing jobs were and are still declining in number. (And farms? What are farms? ) Currently about a third of the jobs today are creative jobs: science, design, research, art, to name a few. According to Mr. Florida, this recent shift in the economy has changed the kind of communities we want to live in, the clothes we wear, the cars we drive, the…way we do our hair…

Now, to prepare ourselves for this paradigm shift, change starts at the local level. Cities must abide by Mr. Florida’s “3 T’s: Technology, Talent, and Tolerance.” Technology is important for obvious reasons. Talent must be encouraged and young people must be welcomed and supported, not turned away from employers from lack of experience. These young people have new ideas and fresh energy! Why turn them away? It is also imperative that cities become open-minded and willing to accept all people: gay, straight, Mexican, Irish, black, white…whatever. As Mr. Florida notes, one of the great things about America is the fact that this country was the first to open its doors to immigrants. That’s how we got people like Carnegie, Einstein, Pulitzer, etc. These people all helped shape America and they came from other places! After all, we are the melting pot!

OH MY GOD. Isn’t this fascinating??!!

So, in a nutshell, Richard Florida is this guy who came up with this idea that the “creative class” needs to be nurtured and enticed to different cities throughout the country. This creative energy will then somehow increase productivity, create jobs, stimulate economic growth and lift America back to its feet!! Instead of creating dividing lines, Florida is suggesting that this creative energy will break barriers and create productive conversations that come up with solutions to this big ole mess we made with our economy.

Now, I know that this theory isn’t fool proof. But think about it for a minute; let it marinate. Thoughts?

Next blog: Why people don’t like Richard Florida.

Some people think this sandwich is everything that is wrong with America. But as an unemployed person with a Masters degree, no home, no job prospects and no money, I have to say, I’d probably eat it. It’s innovative. Come on, it’s a MEATWICH. I give you: KFC’s Double Down Chicken Sandwich. ……………..Double Down to Pound.

Meet Fred Phelps.

To look at him, you’d think he was just an average Midwesterner who likes to wear Stetsons and drink bourbon. A God-fearing family man. Maybe he even owns a ranch and rides horses or something. (I’m not sure if he actually does any of these things.)

What I do know is that Mr. Phelps is the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. This “church” has become notorious for “preaching” an anti-gay agenda (note: not suitable for work) at the expense of those families who have lost loved ones from the present war. Not only that, but this religious group has the poor taste of picketing and parading its “message” at the actual funerals of those soldiers who have died serving their country.  The signs that they carry usually tote the motto of their website and other horrible messages which I will not repeat here because they are that bad. (again, not suitable for work, or anytime ever, really.)

Margie Phelps, the daughter of Pastor Crazypants claims that these funerals are the perfect stage to share their message. She says, “I remember watching the news, and all of its pomp and circumstance. These funerals are a major public platform and no one is telling the truth,”  That’s right, from a Crazy’s mouth to your ears. Did I mention that it doesn’t matter if the soldier is gay or not? They are very non-discriminatory about whose funeral it is; just as long as you have people there to offend.

Can you be a worse person?

Now, I think crazy people are in most cases extremely entertaining. But this goes beyond that. When you have the utter audacity to disrespect a mourning family in the midst of the most tragic moment of their lives, you will be labeled the Worst People in America. Not only that, but they are protected by the Constitution to continue doing this most abominable act.

You heard it, the Phelps Clan of Crazies can never be prosecuted because they happen to be sticklers of the law and take precautions to make sure that their act is protected under freedom of speech. Since 1991, the Phelps’ have offended people at over 42,000 events including countless military funerals and I’m sure have been sued a boatload of times. Yet somehow in their insanity and repugnance, they have managed to stay out of prison and have avoided costly fines.

The price of freedom of speech can be such a pain sometimes.

Last week, three teachers from Los Angeles County, in Los Angeles, California were publicly reprimanded by L.A. Mayor Villaraigosa for “celebrating” Black History Month by encouraging their students to commemorate the lives of RuPaul, O.J. Simpson and Dennis Rodman. Oh, and they were white…which means they are in even BIGGER trouble. While choosing O.J. Simpson and Dennis Rodman were pretty piss-poor choices… RuPaul? RuPaul in my opinion is breaking barriers. She is a black homosexual man who has made it big despite the evidence to show that Blacks and African Americans have statistically been very anti-homosexual as a population. RuPaul is awesome. There should be no shame in drag queens. (I celebrate you, RuPaul.) O.J. may have been a football hero in his day, but killing your wife and then acting like a jerk afterwards is a long climb up, son. And Dennis? I don’t know anything about him other than the fact that he’s a retired basketball player that likes to wear make-up, and he…wore a dress or something. Nonetheless, yes, these teachers could’ve chosen better role models for their students. Frankly, I’m surprised they didn’t throw in Michael Vick.

But more than anything this article made me wonder, what is a role model anymore? In a world where athletes are taking steroids and cheating on their wives; political leaders cheat and lie (shocking); little girls are exposed to the idiotic antics of Lindsay Lohan and those Olson twins that look hungry all the time- who is a role model? Is it because we are all WAY too connected via internet, blackberries, emails, blogs, Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, etc., etc., etc.? Who  doesn’t know your business? And are we putting a lot of emphasis on these people as demi-gods when in fact they are actual people? Everyone screws up.  Granted, some screw-ups are bigger than others. Martin Luther King, Jr. the Father of Civil Rights allegedly cheated on Coretta Scott King several times. But you know he wrote a speech. I guess if all you do is play golf incredibly well, you’re screwed. Sorry Tiger; should’ve written a speech, dude.

Who's your hero?

Everyone has role models; they inspire us and gauge our individual potential. Role models aren’t BAD, but they must be humanized again. Because that’s what they are: humans. It’s illogical to think there is someone out there who is perfect. Every “hero” will have a “fall.” Depending on the severity of that “fall” and how the “hero” chooses to respond to it defines what is a good role model. Maybe instead of looking at these fallible people who happen to be in limelight 24/7, we should all be individually striving to be role models to our children, our neighbors, our families and friends. Because someone is probably watching you; looking up to you. So don’t think your actions aren’t as consequential as someone who is on TV. I’m talking to you, three teachers from Southern California. Yous in BIG TROUBLE.

And finally, I suppose another solution is to find a role model that isn’t real; like Xena, He-Man or…Cher.